EVERYTHING SHE'S MISSING

I was laying in bed and I couldn't fall asleep.I just kept thinking about my mom and everything she's missing.So I figured since I hadn't written in awhile that I would.So here is what is going through my mind.She never got to see Anthony walk.He's running around like a mad man now.Never got to see her 3rd granddaughter Alexis.Wow she loves to cry.Annamarie's t-ball games and dance recital.Hailey playing soccer and her modeling poses.My brother singing in his band.She threw Rich his 30th BDay bash and she should be getting his 40th ready next month.Planning Annamarie's 5th BDay party next month.I know she would be planning the menu out already and buying stuff almost EVERYDAY for the parties.She won't see her granddaughters start kindergarten this year.She won't be here to help decorate the first house my sister is buying.She won't see me get married,but hey she wouldn't see that if she still was alive,cause that ain't ever gonna happen.No more Monday night football games.No more NOTHING.Why do we have to do everything w/out her? Even though she's not here physically, all you have to do is look around the house and you feel her in everything you look at.The way things are decorated,organized and the pictures everywhere.You feel her but at the same time this house is so empty.It's almost 4 months and nope,still hasn't set in.I try to understand that she IS gone but my brain still refuses to get that.You try to tell yourself that someone is dead and you're just like "that's not possible".Your brain,or at least mine just can't process that.I don't wanna move on in the grief process.I wanna just stay in the fog.I love my mom and miss her more than words can express.If I could just have one more moment with her,it would be to say "I love you"......T