What to say?

SO yeah it's been a long time since I last wrote.So much has happened since then.I survived the 1 year anniversary of my mom dying.I did nothing on that day.My family did something but I just wanted to be alone as usual.I don't understand why we would celebrate that day,I hate that day,the worst day of my life.I'm finding myself missing my mom more now than ever.All 3 of my sisters are pregnant.One of them is getting married in May.My mom should be planning all the showers and shit.I've since moved in w/ my sister,which is ok.It kinda helps her out.My life right now seems to be going nowhere.I just turned 30 and don't know what I am doing w/ my life.I finished real estate school,just have to take my state exam.I don't really want to do that.I want to just go move to our house up the mountains and do nothing.My daughter is what keeps me going.SHe is having such a hard time w/ wanting my mom.I just don't know what to say to her anymore.I hate the fact that I have to have her see a shrink.She won her first modeling contest and she was so excited,something else my mom missed.She wants to be a model or a moviestar.I say no but I'm gonna let her go w/ this as much as I can.I just don't want her to be disappointed if she doesn't make it.It's like 1:30am and I just can't sleep.What the fuck is my problem?My mind just won't slow down.I know I'm jumping all over w/ my thoughts.I need a kick in the ass to jumpstart my life.I know that there are people who would love to trade lives w/ me,why I don't know.So if anyone out there in internet land has any advice for me,let me have it.I'm done rambling for now........T